Living with parents; why is it necessary in modern times? Cohabitation with parents and the risk of living in the same area. The article will give daughters-in-law and sons-in-law suggestions on how to organize their relations with the older generation of the family in the right way. Cohabitation with parents is a reality of our time when a young couple does not have the opportunity to live separately due to financial problems. Housing issues will always be a serious problem for a new family that wants to live separately from their father and mother. Building relationships is an important matter, so it is worth dealing with all the pitfalls that have just been created in loving hearts in the form of living with the parents of a husband or wife.
Causes of conflict in cohabitation with parents
Our wise ancestors have always maintained that there is no smoke without fire. In all negative situations, one should look for the root of the evil because serious passions sometimes flare up.
Psychologists believe that the following factors are the main reasons for the disharmony between older and younger generations when they live together:
- A new person in the family … Not every narcissistic person can understand and empathize with strangers from the first meeting. Many people are used to a normal lifestyle where everything is familiar and familiar. The home of a new family member can be homed as an invasion of private property by an enemy army.
- Rejection of the choice of a son or a daughter … Very often, conflicts in the cohabitation of two families give rise to this in no way fertile ground. The chosen of his beloved offspring may resent their parents. Such animosity arises from idle speculation and is based on quite apparent facts.
- Household troubles … Running a joint household is a delicate matter when two housewives find themselves in the kitchen, or it is necessary to serve a new son-in-law. Many people react aggressively to such changes because they are used to a particular way of life in the family.
- Systematic Meaning … The older generation has a habit of teaching young people from their prime. Sometimes such evangelism becomes an obsession with pleasing your children against their will. Dull reasoning about the meaning of life can harm relationships in a new family because they are not yet stable and fragile.
- Invasion of personal space … Some parents are adamant about a new family member. They are in their territory, which gives them the right (according to their reasoning) to control all the movements of the son-in-law or daughter-in-law. As a result, conflicts break out, which are difficult to resolve.
- Deny visits from friends … “My home is my castle,” and some parents take that literally. In most cases, they do not understand that newlyweds need to communicate with their friends. Suppose a grandson or granddaughter appears in the family. In that case, this problem can get even worse because the newly minted dad or mom can’t leave the house to visit friends. Parents, for their part, forbid inviting guests to their homes. It leads to scandals in a young family because they do not have the opportunity to relax and relieve stress.
- Different opinions on religion … This problem seems only at first glance to be an insignificant detail. However, newlyweds often do not think about how parents of other faiths will react to their marriage. A Muslim woman in an Orthodox family or a Slavic woman in a community of people who worship Allah can become a significant problem for mutual understanding in an established society. It should not matter that, in this case, mindset also plays a decisive role. After all, it is not always easy for Slavic girls to submit to new demands, especially those that contradict their free and independent nature. It is not an easy test to meet a mother-in-law’s unique needs or to ultimately become a servant of her husband (according to people’s terms).
- Financial differences … Parents of children who have decided to start a family are often already financially well-known personalities in life. A young family with more than modest resources can annoy ancestors with substantial material support. Problems arise primarily in the light of solving general financial issues. For example, when a big purchase is coming up, young people are not ready to report their money because they believe they can spend it more productively.
- Previous unsuccessful family experience … Not always a beloved daughter or son pleases his parents with another worthy choice in the second half. Suppose the new son-in-law or remarried daughter-in-law again becomes a disappointment to the older generation of the family. In that case, the problem can reach its boiling point.
- Household language and paws … The customs of both the older and younger generations are very different. Problems appear especially clearly when the living room is relatively modest in size. In this case, you not only have to crowd but also endure restrictions on freedom and the inability to arrange your things. Problems also arise with the banal desire to be like in shorts, which is unacceptable with new family members—those with one TV, computer, etc. I may face a similar problem. The reluctance to make concessions, abandon their habits or at least change them a little due to the prevailing conditions will become new reasons for disputes.
Interference with the privacy of young people quarrels with the older generation … After the wedding, grinding times between a boy and a girl are not excluded, which can take place in raised tones. Of course, this behavior is uncomfortable for parents. They will intervene to bring young people to their senses. But there are situations when their parents influence one couple. In this case, they will constantly listen to insults about the new partner and then express it with everything that causes controversy.
Important! Family life with parents is sometimes a time bomb that can go off at any time. This kind of conflict can ruin the beginnings of relationships for young people who are just starting to try it out.
Prospects for living with parents
In each situation, one should look for the positive aspects of its development and try to avoid its likely consequences. If it is impossible to buy their own home, young people should be prepared to live with their parents or look for opportunities to rent their own home.
Is living with your parents a good idea?
Any pressing problem is worth looking for its good side, even by rejecting the current situation altogether.
With the vocal problem, there are advantages which are as follows:
- Illustrative example … life with parents is sometimes very rewarding if the older generation respects and loves each other. Such a model of behavior given to newly married children provides an excellent opportunity to copy it and make some changes in further joint plans for the future.
- Financial support … For a family just starting to build their relationships, it is sometimes tough financially to keep their finances afloat. It is especially true for couples still at the stage of acquiring education and future professions. Therefore, it will not hinder them in this challenging time with financial support from their parents.
- Help with child-rearing … During the birth of offspring, the strong support of grandparents can significantly facilitate the life of a young couple. The older generation of the family had already gone through a period of trial and error when a child was born. Even with boring parenting lectures aimed at people who are inexperienced in the field, you can gain a lot of helpful information about raising children.
- Wise advice … Only masochists step on the same rake without drawing appropriate conclusions from the situation. It is worth turning to experienced people for help in challenging life problems, who, in most cases, can give sensible recommendations. The older generation of the family is best suited as wise counselors in a crisis because they cannot tolerate dirty linen in public, and one does not have to be afraid of publicity.
Disadvantages of living with parents
Each barrel of honey can contain its fly in the ointment, which is not always fatal. However, cohabitation with a husband or wife’s parents does not always positively affect a relationship within a young couple.
The most damaging consequences of such an organization of life are the following factors:
- The chances of divorce … Some particularly caring parents try to impose their views in the form of outright disapproval of their children’s choices. A similar cut is made either by a beating against the son-in-law (daughter-in-law) or displaying direct anger in the same direction. If at the same time, a son or daughter takes a stand against their overactive parents, then such a marriage does not have the slightest chance for the future.
- Dependent Life… The material gains of the older generation, which are earned through long work, can turn the heads of their offspring. Some particularly windy people, even though they have started their own families, continue to rely solely on the support of their parents. They do not need to strain their strength once again when all household and financial matters fall on the shoulders of their close circle.
- Disputes with relatives … Conflicts in a young family very often because of the formation of two camps that start enmity with each other. Usually, when they live together, the daughter-in-law complains to her parents about the mother-in-law, and the son-in-law criticizes the mother-in-law. Therefore, a crisis can arise where each father and mother will defend the interests of their adult child, but not his family as a whole.
- Conflicts of interest … Mature people often want to spend their free time in peace and privacy. Each person has the right to plan further actions according to their taste. In addition, with age, some diseases take on a chronic form, which can significantly affect the health of already mature people. Teen parties will not always appeal to parents if a couple lives on the territory of their home that has legalized their relationship and loves such events.
- In tight quarters, but offended … It is worth paraphrasing a well-known expression regarding tight living conditions. Not all young couples can get their apartment or private house immediately after marriage. In some cases, they have to be in the same room as the parents of the husband or wife, which has a very negative effect on the sex of the beloved. And crying babies who don’t let anyone sleep only add negativity to an already complex relationship.
Living with parents; building a family relationship in your home is sometimes an unaffordable luxury for newlyweds. There is a time for everything, so it is necessary to rationally evaluate the possibilities of improving your life with the one you have chosen, even under challenging circumstances.
Rules for cohabitation living with parents
Every sane person should plan their life and daily routine. Suppose it is not possible to prepare your own family nest. In that case, you should learn to adapt to the current situation by cohabitating with the parents of the second half.
She lives with her husband’s parents.
Some stories about mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are not meaningless because each mother hardly gives her grown-up child to the care of another woman.
However, a brilliant young woman can always find a common language with a new relative if she acts according to the following plan:
- Utmost tact … Since you are in a foreign territory, it is highly inadvisable to download the rights and express your displeasure with what is happening around you. Thus, it is possible to completely spoil the relationship with the husband’s parents and significantly worsen the mutual understanding with him. It’s not worth being openly displeased with a new relative. Still, you should also shut up if you want to respond to criticism (albeit not deserved) with open derision.
- Questions of excellence … Every mother and father will appreciate the interest in their mature child’s past, which comes from his new wife. At the same time, in no case should you get information from them about the former love affair of the chosen ones, which will look highly wrong. You can offer a joint view of the family album, which captures all the facts about the husband’s development from childhood to already conscious age.
- Asking for cleaning advice … What a mother-in-law doesn’t like is unquestioning recognition of her cooking skills and ability to balance the family budget wisely. Even if it doesn’t cook well at the same time and is a clear waste of money, the time for constructive criticism has not come. You can ask her to share the recipe for the dish she makes best.
- Showed concern for the spouse … It is necessary to take care of him without this line of planned policy, but a little drama when establishing a relationship with his husband’s parents still does not hurt. There is no need to hide your tender feelings for your chosen one and the desire to make his life as comfortable as possible.
- Rejection of bad habits … Gathering with friends for a glass of wine and should not do a fragrant cigarette before the husband’s parents. If at the same time, they lead a healthy lifestyle, then such behavior can anger them to the core. It’s time to play spy until the young family can get their own home.
Living with the husband’s parents sometimes requires the young woman to have maximum tact and wisdom in life. Such qualities are not always present in a girl who has just begun to learn about the life of adults. However, the love for the chosen one should make her a wiser person not to end her marriage with that partner in the future.
Lives with the woman’s parents
A guy who has found the girl of his dreams can be troubled when he meets her mom. “I didn’t grow flowers for that” is sometimes the verdict of a harsh mother-in-law who doesn’t get along well with her son-in-law.
There is a way out of every situation, so a wise man should plan his life with his wife’s parents as follows:
- Respect and tact … Representatives of the more vigorous sex are like that when they can inhibit their feelings towards more mature people. Mother-in-law and father-in-law are people who gave their lives to their beloved woman; therefore, they deserve respect for themselves. Being in a foreign territory, one must fully understand one’s precarious position. In this case, it is not only unethical but also unwise to be rude to the actual owners of the home. Better to make the conflict a joke.
- Household help … Any son-in-law with no mobility restrictions can bring heavy bags from the store and fix broken wiring as far as possible. The wife’s parents will appreciate the chosen daughter. She looks after their welfare and comfort to the best of her ability.
- Respect for parents’ privacy: If one Lives in a foreign area, you should forget your habits in the form of loud celebrations and loud music. The older generation of the family may have their passion, which should not be limited to their interests and dubious pleasures. You should also dress according to family rules. Even the most beautiful young body can be embarrassing for the adult generation.
- Involvement in family matters … Housekeeping ceases to be such when a list of necessary things is made to maintain order. Moreover, food does not randomly appear on the refrigerator’s shelves, as some careless sons-in-law think. As far as possible, it is necessary to systematically contribute to the joint family budget to avoid further accusations of parasitism and dependency. It also doesn’t hurt to immediately negotiate the amount the young couple will be able to pay for utilities. Even if the parents are wealthy enough, they will appreciate this gesture.
Living with the parents of a husband or wife is a severe test for a young family. Well-known psychologists advise delaying this process for more than three months. In the unreality of owning your own home after the promised period, you must ensure that the coexistence of the older generation and the newlyweds do not turn into a serious dispute between them. If such accommodation has become a severe burden, you should find every means to rent your home. Perhaps the parents themselves will take the initiative and help with the payment to avoid disturbing the young family.